Aging Gracefully? 

Old age is something that happens to other people. Not me. Not you. Just other random people. Maybe this aging thing is the result of some gene mutation. 

When I see pictures of myself at gatherings I wonder... how is it that my face seems to be imploding? I swear the skin from my forehead and my chin will eventually meet in the middle of my face. My best feature, (so I have been told) my blue eyes, will be lost in skin folds and I will begin to resemble a Sharpei. Makes me want to get a facelift or at least duct tape my face to the back of my neck.

The mirror is a cruel necessity. Gotta put my contacts in and put on make-up, right? Or at least comb my hair. All my friends tell me, "OH JULIE! Your white hair is BEAUTIFUL!!!" Don't color it, REALLY!!!"  I miss my blond hair. I have been mistaken for my younger friend's mother.  Now isn't that a kick in the balls, or maybe I should say a kick in the desert wasteland that used to be my vagina. 

Who needs underwear anymore? Well, ok,  maybe adult diapers when I sneeze or cough unexpectedly and can't cross my legs and bend over in time. Sometimes pee shoots out of my urethra like a firehose. But, I refuse to wear adult diapers. Not me. I play Pickleball. I am an athlete.